Co-dependency is a term we’re hearing more often, but what does it mean, and how can we recognize it in ourselves or those we care about?
While commonly associated with romantic relationships, co-dependency can affect any relationship, including those with family members and friends. At its root is a belief that one’s role or self-worth is tied to the well-being or happiness of others. For example, as a child, you may have had a parent who was often unwell or experienced mental health issues. This may have led you to feel responsible for managing that parent’s emotions or happiness, resulting in patterns that carry into adulthood.
Co-dependency can also be linked to a sense of safety. If you grew up in a household where conflict was common, you may have assumed the role of peacekeeper and problem-solver. This role can become an unconscious pattern, creating an overwhelming sense of responsibility to take care of others, sometimes to your own detriment. You might end up pushing down or ignoring your own needs, constantly prioritizing the needs of the other person.
Co-dependency can hide behind traits like being caring or the one everyone turns to as a problem solver. However, this imbalance can lead to strained relationships and a loss of personal identity over time.
Some common signs of co-dependency include:
- Difficulty setting and enforcing personal boundaries
- A deep fear of abandonment or rejection
- Feeling responsible for others' emotions and problems
- Low self-esteem or self-worth that hinges on others’ approval
- Overwhelming guilt when focusing on personal needs
- Difficulty making decisions without the input or approval of others
The Cost of Co-dependency
Co-dependency can be emotionally exhausting and often results in chronic stress, burnout, and resentment. When someone constantly takes care of others or sacrifices their own needs, they may feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and disconnected from their identity. Over time, this can lead to issues such as anxiety, depression, or feelings of unworthiness.
Additionally, codependent relationships can hinder the other person’s growth. By stepping in and “rescuing” others, a codependent individual might prevent the other person from learning to handle their own challenges or emotions, creating a cycle that ultimately benefits neither person.
Breaking Free from Co-dependency
The good news is that co-dependency is a pattern that can be recognised and transformed. Healing from co-dependency involves learning to take responsibility for your own well-being and allowing others to take responsibility for theirs.
Healing from co-dependency doesn’t mean you stop caring about others; it means you start caring for yourself just as much. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, where each person takes responsibility for their own well-being.
As you release the need to "rescue" or manage others, you create space for relationships that are supportive, balanced, and empowering. Letting go of codependent patterns isn’t about losing connection with others—it’s about building a stronger, more authentic connection with yourself.
As an advanced Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) practitioner, I specialise in helping people navigate relationships. I have personally experienced the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I’m here to support those who want to take charge of their emotional well-being and build healthier, happier and fulfilling relationships
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